Black Ribbon

Sadism, Satanism and really bad delivery services are the subject of this disturbing tale of possession that might give Jack Ketchum the chubs in today’s installment of the Blood Gutter!

Bullies. They infiltrate every facet of society and just make a mess of everything. They can really affect someones self esteem and social development. Sometimes to the point that the only reasonable thing to do is join a strange man on a sexually deviant journey ending at the gates of hell. Well maybe if you can keep your tongue sticking out of the side of your mouth.  Meet Joey (Rudy J. Altenor), a mentally challenged man with a wagon of innocence and dreams from the quiet town of Milford, New Jersey, USA.  Unfortunately, because of his handicap, the trash that lives in New Jersey bully him violently.  Luckily, Joey has a big brother to watch his back and scare off the uncouth scum of the railroad tracks.  Willie (S. Freddor), gives his little brother the gift of self defense in the form of a stun gun as he won’t be around every time this occurs.  Little did he know that this stun gun would someday be the catalyst of a grizzly scene of murder and perversion.

Ken and Beth Richardson

Sandwiches, BBQ chips and red wine, the Author’s feast.

Meet acclaimed author Kenneth Richardson (Tony Rugnetta) and his beautiful wife Beth (Jacki Vogel).  A mild mannered couple from Manhattan taking a break from city life so that Ken can focus on his new novel.  As Beth still works in the city (and Ken can barely feed himself lol #wifeissofunny) they hire an Italian maid, Isabella.  We start to see that Kenneth is quite the kinky type in the bedroom, offering up some handcuff play, but Beth is disinterested and this drives Kenneth bonkers.  What’s a guy supposed to do?  Play with toys?  Play with toys.

The next day(?)… some time after this…. Ol Ken is getting an early start and get’s a phone call about wood working interfering with his writing?  Maybe he was a carpenter before getting his first big writing break?  Maybe it’s just a hobby?  A device to explain how he gets wooden torture devices in his basement?  Well on the same call, he’s informed that there’s an Underwood Typewriter on Esale going for $7000 from the Blackwood Estate.  One of only two made that year.  Hearing this news clearly and overly upsets Beth because of reasons, but this conversation produces my favorite line from the film: “… it will make an interesting piece.”  “Interesting piece of shit”  ZING!  If only Ken would have listened.  But he doesn’t an wins the auction by bidding $1000 over and waiting a few moments.

Some time later, a package arrives.  Not to the Richardson residence, but to Joey’s house.  Poor Joey.  He brings the package to the Richardson’s and makes his first friend.  Ken somehow manages to cut himself and bleed on the typewriter forever tethering his spirit to this infernal machine.

At work, Beth decides to do some research on Geocities, probably in the Area51 neighborhood, about Jeffrey Blackwood.  She knew the name sounded familiar.  He was a self proclaimed Satan worshiper and sadist who killed women and believed he could conjure Satan by inflicting pain.  He was murdered before his plan could see true devilish fruition.

In the days? weeks? that follow, Joey and Kenneth become very close.  Hanging out, playing catch, you know, famous author and mentally challenged grown man stuff, and this is worrying Nana.  Especially since Joey is drawing butt-fucking pictures.  Joey convinces Nana that Kenneth is on the level and Nana is just happy that Joey has a friend.

Joey's Art

ummm, is Joey a psychic? Stay tuned. (He’s not)

In a depraved writing frenzy visualized fantasy, we get a glimpse at the things that Kenneth is writing on his new Underwood typewriter in the form of a soft dream sequence in which he is a priest stabbing nuns and Isabella or something.. I don’t know.  He’s broken out of his trance by his wide who points out that his finger is still bleeding and that’s as far as that goes.  Kenneth decides to get in contact with the Blackwood estate and purchase the rest of the items while he cooks two hamburgers on the gas grill.  When the items arrive they are, again, accidentally shipped to Joey’s house.  He brings them over and they open them in the basement discovering S&M paraphernalia, which seems to be right up Kens alley.

Later, the boys go on a pizza date and are welcomed by the gang of train track bullies who order a single cannoli.  When Joey points them out, Ken has a talk with them as any group of bullies are easily influenced by authors.  Then, like a complete idiot, he goes next door to a video store and leaves Joey alone with the bullies who promptly smash a cannoli into his face.  SO KEN BUYS A REVOLVER BUT THE FUNNY THING IS THAT I DON’T KNOW IF THESE THINGS ARE RELATED BECAUSE WE NEVER SEE THESE BULLIES AGAIN.  I lost my cool, I apologize.

I BOUGHT A GUN

“I bought a gun”

Ken visits his Aunt in the city, played by the late, long time actress Dody Goodman.  He confides in his Aunt Gayle and she tells Ken to take take it easy.  IMDB says that her scenes were deleted, and that makes sense to me because for Ms. Goodman’s last performance, they are tragic really don’t have a place in the movie.  

An Emily Harrison from the neighborhood welcome wagon comes over to offer local coupons and products to the new residents, the Richardsons.  Ken starts to get manic, offers Emily some tea and then gets her with the stun gun.  Yes, that stun gun that Willie gave to Joey, but Kenneth took for safe keeping.  Ken gets joey to help him take the unconscious Emily to basement and strip her naked and chain her up.  The movie takes a hard turn toward depravity around this part.  Pain, humiliation and lewd sexual acts are now poor Emily’s day to day activities in her new life as “Esmerelda” in the basement of the Richardson home.  Joey seems to enjoy it and is around for most of it.  Poor Joey.   It has become clear that Ken is possessed by Jeffrey Blackwood…because he bled…on…the typewriter and is now trying to finish his work of bringing Satan into this world?

So he goes to a horticulturist to inquire about galean? root.  Something used in Satanic rituals.  He somehow stumbles and bumbles upon THE ONE HORTICULTURIST WHO HAS DEALT WITH IT BEFORE, IS ACTUALLY A DEVIL WORSHIPING GOTH AND WHO HAS ALREADY TRIED TO SUMMON THE DEVIL TO EARTH WHAT THE EVERLIVING FUCK IS HAPPENING….  sorry… sorry guys.  I have completely lost patience with this movie.  I don’t even know what’s happening except that Nana gives fresh ass haircuts.  AND JOE FRANKLIN PLAYS KENNETH’S FATHER.  WHAT?  AND THEY FILM IT IN JOE FRANKLIN’S FAMOUSLY MESSY/HOARDER OFFICE WHAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?  THEN DEVIL SUMMONING AND DEAD BODIES?!?!  AND A GOD DAMN TWIST ENDING THAT WILL MAKE YOU CHEW OUT YOUR OWN EYES. sorry.

Joe Franklin

So, we’ll just film in your office then because you won’t come to our location? Thanks a lot Mr. Franklin

I try not to let my emotions come into play in these movies I review, but there was just no stopping this.  It’s currently streaming on Amazon Prime Instant Video if you’d like to lose your mind.

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