The Human Centipede 3

A generous helping of self indulgent depravity served ass to mouth to ass that I can really sink my teeth into in this installment of The Blood Gutter.

I have to admit that I’m a fan of Tom Six’s “medically accurate” masterpiece that is The Human Centipede trilogy.  I was enticed by the absurdity of the first promotional blurb I had seen about it.  Something about (and I’m paraphrasing here) a surgeon’s bleak vision of the future, a world where people are connected mouth to anus.  The thought was so ridiculous and beyond the realm of good taste that I just had to see it.  I enjoyed it for what it was.  My wife enjoyed it as well, yes, I am a lucky man.  I was surprised when the first news of a sequel  I heard was from her.  We watched it and had just as much fun as with it’s predecessor.  It’s meta, pseudo-reality played a great role in it’s tongue-in-cheek (pun certainly intended) perversion.  The very idea that something so absurd could inspire anyone to commit such an act is completely fucking bananas.  Again, I enjoyed it.

Dieter Laser and Laurence Harvey

Finally together!

The Final Sequence.  When you think that it cannot get any further over the top, someone eats a severed, dried clitoris.  This happens more than once.  Our journey begins in scenes from the previous films being watched by our beloved main characters.  Bill Boss, a prison warden who is also a psychopathic lunatic is played by Dieter Laser, who played Dr Heiter in the first film ( It’s extremely important to note that Herr Laser also played Mantrid in Lexx, one of the best sci-fi series of all time.) and Dwight Butler his complicit, lackey, accountant played by Laurence Robert Harvey.  Mr Harvey was in the second film as Martin Lomax.  These veterans of the franchise are joined by a newcomer, one Bree Olson I’m told, as Daisy.  I hope I’m saying that right… Breeee Ol-son?  I have never heard of her before, but she kind of looks familiar.

Bree Olson

I can’t place where I know her from…

The office relationship plays out as if Mallory’s family scenes from Natural Born Killers were reality.  A sort of deranged sitcom, with no laugh-track or punchlines, that induces face contorting half-smiles with each on screen perversion.  Cross that with inmates out of Adult Swim’s Superjail and you’ve got our lovely prison setting in which the entirety of this film takes place.  The Warden’s ultra-violent punishments have apparently put the prison into financial trouble with the exorbitant medical costs incurred through each inmate maiming.  Their jobs are put in jeopardy after a visit from the Governor … who is played by Eric Roberts….really Eric?… who tells them that if numbers don’t improve, they’re getting shit-canned.

Eric Robers in Human Centipede 3

WAT?

This drives the Warden absolutely crazy, well that and the fact that the Governor smokes communist cigars…. and the heat.  He then unveils his plan to castrate the entire population in an attempt to make the inmates docile farm animals and begins, albeit much to the disappointment of Mr. Butler.  Throughout the torture and maiming, Mr. Butler has been trying to convince the Warden that the answer to their woes lies in the films of Tom Six, creator of the “medically accurate” Human Centipede films.  A prison full of inmates surgically altered to stay on their knees and eat their predecessors excrement would magically shrink costs and aid in rehabilitation and deterrence.   Now, who other to convince the Warden of this but Tom Six himself who, in Breakfast of Champions, or Goodbye Blue Monday fashion, places himself into the story to give the characters the will to just be awful.

There are so many upsetting images in this movie and I really hope you’re up for seeing experiencing them.  From murder/resuscitation/murder to one of the most bizarre rape scenes I’ve ever seen in a film, this has everything you could possibly want in a story about a giant ass to mouth centipede made of inmates.  There are laughs, there are some tears, many truly “what the fuck?” moments, and an ending… you couldn’t have asked for a more suitable ending to close out a franchise that will be on the lips of a small handful of perverts and weirdos for years to come.

Released in May 2015 it can boast “Overwhelming dislike” on Metacritic, which is usually the way I like it.  Now, you avoided it when it came out, or maybe you didn’t even know about it at all, but I have great news.  As of 11/10/15 it is available on Netflix instant!  But wait, there’s more!  It just so happens that First Sequence and Full Sequence are available to stream as well.  The full trilogy, waiting just for you!  You’ve already paid for them, just watch them.  What’s that?  You have better things to do with your time than watch terrible movies?  Like what?  Cook dinners for the entire week?  Throw away your unmatched socks in preparation for purchasing more, matched socks?  Bah!  Turn out the lights, grab a beer and some popcorn, sew your mouth to your significant other’s anus and hit play.  Here’s the trailer:

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